Miss Me with the Bullshit - 4 Step Guide
If you know Emma & I, we have a BIG, no bullshit policy. If you do not know Emma and I… strap in. Exit doors are to the right and left (at this time, we’re hoping you’re imaging us, as flight attendants. If you don’t know what we look like, see below). Oxygen masks will drop from above should they be needed.
At times, this policy can be difficult to maintain, but without fail it has created this incredible thing we call our friendship. It’s not easy looking your bestie square in the eye and saying, “Hey, You are being the biggest bully to yourself right now. Stop it.” As hard as this may be, it is necessary. As two women with our own mental health journeys this policy has become the core foundation of our relationship.
We have carried this philosophy, if you will, to French Press. It IS French Press Law.
Life is messy. We already have to deal with the lack of efficient serotonin levels in our brains. Why would we want to make our lives harder? This “No Bullshit” Policy has set the foundation for a healthy relationship, not only within our bond but within ourselves as well.
Ever had a really hard day?
You know what days I’m talking about. The one where it hurts to get out of bed. The one where you are exhausted but your toddler is screaming at the top of her lungs for chicken nuggets at 7 a.m. The one where you have to drag yourself into work when you hate your job… insert your hardest day here.
I am fortunate enough to have a best friend who owns a key to my house and uses knocking as a suggestion. On my worst days, Emma has came in, pulled me out of bed, pushed me into the shower and made me put a face on. She has practically dressed me on some occasions and on those particular days where my brain power is the equivalent to a Samsung Note 5 battery, she has taken the reigns with Sophie just to let me sleep. We all can’t have an Emma. I am damn lucky to have an Emma.
(Emma’s Edit: I actually have an Emma. Her name is Jessa.)
Jess, P & Em in the Sunroom | Film by Adam
But, what we can have is a few small things to get us through those days and lots of caffeine. For those of you that struggle finding a support system, Please don’t forget that you DO have a support system with US. If you ever need to talk, text, cry, laugh, please reach out. The worst thing you can do is be silent. Emma’s sister Marissa had a ‘tactical pause’ that was Air Force wide where a doctor said, “The one thing I want you to take away is that the second you start asking yourself if you should talk to someone, the answer is already yes.” We believe that is true.
We are not an internet based company. We thrive on meeting you in person, hearing your story and loving the hell out of you IRL. Send us updates and tell us how your day was! Contact us and let us know that you are searching for a therapist, we have lots of suggestions for incredible professionals in your area. Shit, we also love a good ass, inappropriate meme so don’t keep those to yourself. We will be offended.
Emmy & her cute tush shooting during July’s Promo Model call!
As much as we would love to rid the world of awful days, low self-esteem and bad morning breath, we can’t. What we will do is provide you with a few steps that are simple and make a large impact on your overall mental well being and hopefully put you in a better head space to tackle the day. Let’s get started:
GET UP & WASH YOUR DAMN FACE GIRL
No, we do not mean the Rachel Hollis’ New York Times Best Seller (although, that woman is a QUEEN). We literally mean throw the covers off, get out of bed and wash your face. You can’t feel good if you don’t feel good. Weird, right? Hop in the shower, put on clean clothes and if you’re feeling adventurous, do your hair. This has always given Em & I a sense of purpose for the day. We are dressed and hella prepared. Nothing can stop us now. You want to put a damper on my day? Too bad, the copious amounts of fab•fit•fun dry shampoo that’s lingering around me actually created a giant forcefield that your sour-puss attitude cannot perpetrate. My lashes are saying, “Back the hell up and move along.” and I am right there with them.
OPEN THE FLIPPING WINDOWS
Jessa, what? Open. The. Windows. Do yourself a huge favor and allow some of that Vitamin D to flood your home. A good dose of sunlight can be just as effective as a strong cup of coffee. Although it cannot completely replace the neurotransmitters that have half-way given up inside our brains, it sure as heck can tickle them suckers just enough to produce C10H12N2O… aka serotonin and we LIKE serotonin!
Read more about Sunlight & Depression: Sunlight is the Shit!
MAKE A REASONABLE TO DO LIST
Let me tell you a story about the best skill my mother-in-law taught me & a big ol’ pile of dirty dishes. Doing the dishes use to make me cry. I’m not talking, “I don’t want to do this”… I am talking, by the time I realized I was living in a pigsty, the dishes were disgusting, putrid and stacked to the ceiling. I would start panicking, I didn’t know where to start, I felt like a failure for letting my living space get this gross and then I would crawl back into bed and cry. Doing the dishes, even being such a mundane task, would send me over the edge. Mental health is fun, right? It was the mix of complete chaos, unorganized everything and a giant sense of failure and the feeling of incompetency. “They are just fucking dishes”, I would say to myself. “Why can’t I do this?” Needless to say, my depression and anxiety diagnosis was shortly down the road.
My MIL taught me to take everything out of the sink and stack them in neat piles with the things that were similar. Bowls with other round items, all silverware in one location and plates with plates. You get the gist. Would you believe that this process actually made it too where I could do the dishes without having a come apart? It sounds so ridiculous, but when your mental health is playing a balancing act small tasks can eat you alive and even bigger tasks can drown you.
Jessa, why are you talking about dirty dishes? I will tell you, fellow human. Take your crazy stack of chores / errands and divvy them up by most important to least important. Don’t even bother thinking you’re going to get half that shit done today. Do your absolute BEST and find worth in what you’ve accomplished, not the final number. Don’t let those dishes sit in the sink and overwhelm you. Divide and conquer. See what I did there?
If you also struggle with daily chores, you are not alone. If you are reading this and assuming that someone is fucking lazy because they can’t do small things, then you’re an uneducated asshole. Please take the time to read this here article: “Am I depressed or Just Lazy?” so that you can just be an asshole, not an uneducated one.
“Being lazy once in awhile is normal — we all are. But when that laziness appears to span weeks — or even months, it may be a sign of depression. Please have it checked.” - “Am I Depressed or Just Lazy” By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
and last, but sure as heck not least…
CUT THE NEGATIVE BULLSHIT
This is easier said than done, but bare with me. Remove the negative voice you use to speak to yourself. Stop telling yourself that everything you do is wrong, not good enough and that you should avoid the bathroom mirror.
We all have a Regina George beating us senseless on the inside. Would you believe me if I told you, she doesn’t have to control your life? She doesn’t even go here. You can stand up to her and completely change the way you speak to yourself. Once you become self-aware and catch on to those negative phrases, you will be able to redirect yourself to a positive inner monologue.
“We like bad bitches, not mean bitches.” - Em
Why does this even matter?
Self-criticism causes more stress, mistakes and harder come-backs. A hoard of psychologists decided to take on the daunting task of studying the correlation between negative self-talk and how it effects things such as depression, social and performance anxiety, self harm and so much more. Basically, the less compassion you have for yourself, the more your inner critic affects your life and performance. This negative voice and the struggles that come with it have a huge impact on our psychological well-being.
HOLD UP
You’re telling me that if I continually sit and talk shit on myself, I am not going to do well in my life?! YES SISTER, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF.
It took me over a year to begin speaking to myself with respect and forgiveness. So, I don’t expect anyone to fix this right away, but at least start practicing. The best thing you can do is take note of the negative comments that consistently pop into your head. Once you can Identify them, combat them head-on.
• Instead of saying, “I look like shit” try, “I just worked a 14 hour shift like a badass. These under eye bags were EARNED BABY.”
• If you catch yourself being a dick, acknowledge it and correct it. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t wear these” or even, “Oh, ew. She shouldn’t be wearing that.” Try, “Okay, Susan, that was an asshole move. I am rockin’ the hell out of these shorts and so is she.”
• Beating yourself up in the dressing room? “I can’t fit into any of this shit. These clothes weren’t made for me. Why do I even bother?” try, “Oh, hell no. This store fucked up. Let me take my hard earned money else where because these curves deserve some respect.”
“You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for how happy you are.”
— RACHEL HOLLIS, "GIRL, WASH YOUR FACE"
You are physically sabotaging your own life with every mean, angry thing you are willing to accept from that negative voice we all have inside our heads. You wouldn’t let anyone talk to your best friend like that, would you? So, why are YOU any different? You matter. Your feelings matter. Your mental health matters.
2023 Valentine’s Day Series by Dani Mondloch Photography
Don’t know where to start? Reach out to us. Tell us what’s going on, your situation and we will do our best to help. Please remember that we are not psychologists, therapists or professionals. We are two women who were tired of keeping silent about the struggles of mental health. We are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS going to recommend that you find a professional and continue to take care of yourself through the guidance of said professional. Nothing can beat the years of experience and research behind the amazing women and men who make up the psychology field. You will be surprised what happens when you put your struggles in capable hands!
Now that I am done talking your ear off, please feel free to leave us a comment on what you do to create a positive day for yourself. As always, even if the only thing you did today was survive, that is enough. We are so proud of our Bou-ristas!
BIG LOVE,
Jess & Em